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by Jessica

Scully and Skinner left only one hour ago and I had expected him to come back alone to talk me out of my idea of him being my lawyer. But the moment I see him coming through the door I know there's something more about his visit. All the time I've had such a feeling as if something just wasn't right.
"Hey, Skinman did you miss me that much that you can't be another hour without me? Well, yes I know my situation isn't funny at all, but I'm still the same guy, so sue me."
"Mulder...",he begins slowly but doesn't go on. It seems he's found out something very interesting about his shoes so I begin," Skinner I know you don't want to represant me, but I trust *you* and not some lawyer." He looks up at me.
"Well, Mulder, that isn't the point, I mean, it's part of it, you should really get a good lawyer but..."He stops again and I'm getting annoyed.
"Skinner what is this all about? Scully's so different, you don't talk to me, not even the Gunmen came to visit me..."I just start but suddenly he gets this strange expression "What Skinner, what is it?" I gaze at him urgently.
"It's...it's..."
"*What's going on here would you just tell me for Christ's sake?"
"I don't know how I can tell you. ", he suddenly yells. "I'm sorry Mulder, I didn't mean to yell at you but ,but...you were gone for such a long time and there are things you don't know..."
I'm starting to get this feeling again and just as I want to say something he continues. He's still standing where he entered my cell and if I didn't know better I'd say he's going to start crying anymoment, but do I know better? Do I know anything? How much have I missed?
"Mulder, the Gunmen, they are not going to visit you...they, they are dead, they died some weeks ago. We tried to contact you but we weren't able to. They died during their last fight...They saved the lifes of many people" Now I'm the one who's going to cry.
"I shouldn't have gone, I could have saved them." Skinner comes over and sits next to me.
"Don't do that, Mulder, there's nothing you could've done...nothing. You have to believe that...just as much as me and Scully have to believe that. And even Doggett and Agent Reyes."
"I can't do this anymore...I, we've lost so much...I just don't know how to go on. They are right...I've failed."
"Mulder, you have to go on, you have to fight more than ever before, for you, for the truth, for the X-Files and for Scully, Mulder you are everything she has left, she needs you to be strong, for her."
All she has left? I don't understand what he's talking about...Skinner looks at me and his mouth falls open.
"She didn't tell you? She did *not* tell you? Oh damn, Mulder...I have to go."
He stands up nervously.
"Skinner wait, what did she not tell me?"
He's walking to the door and I grab his wrist and pull him around.
"Skinner what is it? You are hiding something....why am I all she has left? What is it? What happened to William?", I yell. "What happened to my son?"
"Mulder, I shouldn't be the one telling you this..."
"Telling me what?..Don't tell me they...they took him or...don't say they killed him, don't say they took away my baby-son...Skinner look at me!" Now he is crying and I'm ready to kill somebody, nobody in particular just somebody.
"She, Scully...she gave him...she...Mulder don't make me tell you this, it was hard enough to be the one telling you about the Gunmen.", Skinner stutters and I sit back down because suddenly my legs can't carry my weight anymore.
"Tell me, please...What did Scully do?"
"Mulder, she had to give him up...for adoption. She thought he wasn't save with her. She didn't know what to do anymore, she knew she could never give him a normal life so she put her own feelings aside and did what she thought was best for William. Don't blame her, Mulder, she had to do it, she did it for your son and she needs you now, more than ever and that is why you can't give up now." I can't think straight anymore everything seems so strange and unreal....not my son...he was the only family I had left...he and Scully. Scully, oh god what am I going to do, I know she did the right thing .She's so much stronger than me. She gave him up...our son. The son I've only seen during the very first days of his life, the little boy I'd die for, and she gave him away...I can't help but feel angry, but I also admire her for what she did, that she put her own feelings aside to grant him a future...a future he won't have if I don't go on fighting, if *we* don't go on fighting...but I don't think I can go on. I don't know if there's anything left to fight for, if we even have a chance.

I don't know how long I've been sitting here crying, burying my face into my hands. I didn't recognize Skinner leaving. The next thing I know is Scully coming into my cell and that in this moment I'm feeling more love for this woman than ever before. The woman who sent me away to keep me save and who sent our precious miracle baby away, so that he could live his life. She falls into my arms and tells me she was afraid I wouldn't forgive her for giving him up. So I tell her how I feel and that I understand.
"I know you had no choice, I just missed you both so much."

~End~

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